Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
