I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
