The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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