Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
