you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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