you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
