I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
