Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
