I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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