ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
