I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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