I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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