Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
