Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
