Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
