Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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