Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
