real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
