see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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