i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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