She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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