he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
