don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
