apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
porn star boner night. come get it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
