And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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