I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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