I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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