bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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