Whod you bang
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
