I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize