Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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