I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
