Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
