I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
