I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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