I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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