the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
