someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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