i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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