If i come over, it means nothing
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
