Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
