i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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