i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
