I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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