You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize