went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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