My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
