I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
