he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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