WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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