Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
