By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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