At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
