It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
