Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
