PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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