my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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