My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
