My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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