He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
