I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
