I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
