just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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