Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
