Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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