Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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