Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
