is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
