Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
